Twilight RPG: The Novelization
by emyy250
Summary: This is a novelization of the Twilight episode of Tablepop by dorkly on Youtube. RPG stands for Role Playing Game. During lunch at Forks High School, a monster attacks.
1. Chapter 1

**This is a novelization of the Twilight episode of Tablepop by ****dorkly ****on Youtube. I recommend you watch the video because this is the streamlined version.**

**Video: youtube com /watch?v=daS_d8IXOOU (add the dot and remove the spaces)**

**The video uses a wendigo, but I changed it to a giant. Also, I did not change any major events, just the order of minor things. Everything you read actually happened.**

**I do not own Twilight or am a part of ****dorkly.**

Twilight RPG Tablepop

Goal: Take Bella Swan to prom

* * *

Rules: Bella has no agency

Player must protect Bella at all costs

* * *

Players: Edward Cullen [Vampire] (Abilities: Super speed, reading minds)

Jacob Black [Werewolf] (Abilities: Turing into a werewolf)

Greg "MoneyBall" [Swamp monster] (Abilities: Swamp pheromones {influencing others' decisions})

* * *

Forks High School: Cafeteria

On an overcast day, the lunch bell rang and kids filed into the cafeteria. Bella was sitting at a table by herself, staring at a wall passively. Greg was alone at another table, reading the autobiography of Billy Bean. Edward entered the cafeteria with his siblings. Greg has wanted to talk to Edward about Moneyball for awhile because Edward usually wears a baseball shirt. Greg thinks that he liked the movie.

Jacob strolled in with on a boom box on his shoulder, Werewolves in London playing loudly. He kicked down the door. He got lunch off campus.

"Hey, quit it." A female teacher told him.

"Ah, fuck off." Jacob muttered.

She approached. "You gotta turn that down."

Jacob tossed the boom box at her. "Here, cram it, bitch."

Then he walked through more doors and got another boom box out of his backpack.

Edward approached Bella.

"I like your smell." He winked at her.

She rolled her neck at him. "Hey, I like your yellow eyes, what's up?"

"Do you want my pudding cup from my lunch?" Edward said as he gave it to her. Then he sat down next to her.

A howling comes from the woods surround the high school. Edward, Jacob, and Greg stopped as it approached. The other students start getting up and motion toward the howls in the woods. Bella still sat there as the kids moved around.

Jacob bust in, handing boom boxes to people. Thinking quickly, he decided to barricade him and Bella in the janitor's closet. He zipped in, whisking off her feet. He started making his way through the cafeteria.

Edward saw him take her and since he doesn't trust Jacob (or werewolves), decided to take her back to his house. Jacob watched as a blur took Bella and ran out the door. Wind blows by the students and they curiously turn.

Greg is still at the table, thinking. He's not attracted to Bella. But taking Bella to prom would improve his social standing. He got up and went to class. His dad was in the navy and he always said, "If you're on time, you're late and if you're early, you're on time." The room was empty because it was still lunch. And everyone was panicking because of the howling.

Outside in the school parking lot, Edward was running with Bella in his arms. Jacob can see the monster approaching the school. It fully stepped out of the woods. It's a hooved creature, bipedal, and with a deer skull for a head. Its teeth and claws are sharp. It howled. A deer giant.

Jacob grabbed the pudding cup left behind and hopped on his motorcycle. He revs it up, planning to throw the pudding at Edward's face. Bella is still in Edward's arms, not doing anything, head lolling. Jacob wiped out. The pudding splashed, it's very loose, all over his chest. Bella saw what happened and moaned in disappointment.

The giant reached the school. Kids are screaming and running out the door. Edward and Jacob hear the screams. Greg tentatively got up from his desk and went to the classroom door. He opened it. Peeking out, he saw a row of lockers, a banner for prom, and kids running and screaming.

"Weird." Greg closed the door. Then he sat back down. He took out his TI 83+ graphing calculator and played Drug Wars.

Edward heard the screams of classmates. He decided to go save them, but he need to put Bella somewhere safe. Luckily, the giant can't climb trees. He told Bella to hop on his back then he climbed up super-fast. He gingerly, sensually grabbed her hips and firmly placed her down. He was about to leave.

"Wait, don't go." Bella said.

"Oh, well, I was going to save the school, but I'll stay if you want me to stay. I love you, Bella. I don't know if I told you this, but I love you." He said.

"I love you, don't go. I'm worried about you." She protested.

"I'll be fine." He reassured.

Jacob is on the ground, writhing. "Ah, the pudding is in my eyes!"

"No, Bella, I'll stay if you want me to stay. I love you, Bella. Also, you were great at baseball last week. My family likes you too, even though they wanna eat you." He added.

"Thank you." She stared.

Jacob heard their conversation. "I want Greg to take her to prom, for the love of Christ."

Jacob's still covered in pudding. He went back inside. The giant ripped the doors off the cafeteria and entered. Its jaw unhinged as it grabbed a student and ate him whole.

"Hey, you can eat some of this." He playfully put some pudding on its nose.

The deer giant blushed.

A male teacher ripped open the door to the classroom. "WE GOTTA GO!"

"Ah, geez, alright. I have perfect attendance. I didn't wanna lose it." Greg stuttered.

He got his stuff together, putting it in his Oaklandese Jansport backpack. It took a while.

"No! WE have to go now!" He grabbed at Greg.

Greg put his graphing calculator in cargo pocket. "Alright, alright, alright."

They ran out the door. He saw kids getting loading up onto the buses. Greg wondered if he should get on the bus or stay at school. Does he want to go home? He got on the bus. He sat down with another shy kid. He's flipping through a binder of Magic the Gathering cards.

"Hey, what's up? What's happening?" Greg asked.

"It was a big monster attacking the cafeteria." He explained.

"Oh, man. You play Magic?" He looked at the binder.

"Yeah." The kid said.

"I don't have any Magic, I just have baseball cards." Greg told him.

"Cool, that's cool." He replied.

"Yeah. You like movies?" Greg asked.

"What kind of movies?" The boy asked.

"Oscar nominated ones."

"Yeah." He agreed.

"You ever see Moneyball?" Greg asked.

"No, I'd see it though." The kid shook his head.

"It's pretty good." Greg shut down.

In the tree, Edward sees across the parking lot and into the cafeteria, Jacob is tussling with the giant.

"Jacob." Bella breathed.

Edward looked at Bella askance for a second then said, "Bella, for you, I know you care for Jacob, I'll go save him 'cause he's a bitch and he can't do anything. I'll save him."

"Thank you." Bella said.

Edward hoped out of the tree. He zipped across the parking lot. He wanted to impress Bella, embarrass Jacob and rip the giant's head off. He got to the cafeteria. Jacob and the giant were lightly touching each other. Then Jacob saw Edward. Jacob ripped his shirt off, wanting to kill Edward. He turned into a werewolf. The giant, who is Jacob's girlfriend now, decided to fight with him. Jacob threw the biggest boom box at Edward.

Edward planned to jump up onto the giant and land on its back to rip its head off. Edward tried to leap out of the boom box and hit a puddle of algae Greg left behind because he had left a bunch of swamp debris all over the school. Edward ate shit. The giant screamed and grabbed him with its claws, holding him by the neck. Jacob tells to rip Edward's head off.

Greg read under the tree Bella is on a lot and marked it with his pheromones. The pheromones waft up into Bella's nose. Bella sat in the tree, thinking to herself 'that Greg guy seems nice.', as she saw the battle in the cafeteria.

The giant is about rip Edward's head off. Edward tried to bite its arm. He bit its arm, but it screamed and shook. Its hand was on his head and it was going to twist. He barely managed to super speed wiggle out of its grasp and elbowed it in the groin.

Jacob briefly considered talking to Bella, but he was too mad at Edward. He wanted to bite his dick off. Jacob bit his own dick off. The giant looked at him and frowned. It wanted to go to prom with Jacob, but decided it was too much. It turned around and walked out the cafeteria.

The next day, everyone decided to ask Bella to prom.

Edward found her first. "Bella, I love you, I'll make you a vampire, I'll introduce you to other vampires, and we can see the world. I will fuck you, get you pregnant, you'll get to have a very short gestation period. Then you'll give birth, it will almost kill you, then I will turn you into a vampire. And then your other boyfriend will fuck our daughter so much, even from the time she's a baby, he'll wanna fuck her. Will you go to prom with me?"

"In a perfect world, I would love that, but I kinda wanna see what else is out there, I'm sorry." Bella told him.

Jacob walked over, threw up in his mouth and his pants fell down then he started shitting. "Oh God, oh no."

Then he got on his motorcycle and tried to do a hockey stop in front of her, but he accidentally hit her. "Oh, god, your bones!"

He waved down a teacher. "Come, I'm really hurting her."

Then they expelled him and he was sent to prison. Jacob was doing 20 to life.

In the hospital, Greg visited Bella. Greg had to wear a hazmat suit because he would give staff to everyone otherwise.

"Hey, what's your name?" He asked.

"Bella, Bella Swan." She answered.

"Yeah, um, I don't know if this kinda weird or whatever, but I don't know if you heard about prom, but it's pretty soon and I don't know about you, but I'm gonna go, but I'm not going with anybody.

But if you want, I could like, rent a wheelchair 'cause all your bones are fucked up because pudding can hit you with a fucking chopper back at school. I don't want to put you under pressure or anything but if you go, I think it would be fun. I should know, I smell like bog, but I'm a new kid at school." He said.

"I would like that. Also, I love you-"

"Oh, wow." Greg frowned.

"I love you very much." Bella finished.

"Ooo, ok, let's pull it back just a little bit. You know, like I said, we move around a lot, so I'm not you know, but if you want… I don't know what you're gonna be wearing, but if you wanna match your corsage, I'm gonna be wearing a green and yellow baseball uniform." He told her.

"What's the baseball uniform from?" Bella asked.

"It's from a major league baseball team, the Oakland Athletics, I don't know if you have ever heard of the book and/or movie Moneyball. I've read both, watched one. I'm nervous, I'm sorry.

This guy was sort of the first person, before baseball had been about individual star power; this guy was kind of the first guy to figure out that you could… So they just kinda looked at stats people hadn't looked at before and they built a really solid team without spending as much money as the other baseball teams, that's where Moneyball comes from." Greg explained.

* * *

Post credit scene

Jacob is in Guantanamo Bay. He tried to do something cool, but he got his ass beat.

"I'm a werewolf." Jacob cried.

30 years later

Greg got married to his husband, a successful architect in San Francisco.

Bella got together with Edward, got married and pregnant, gave birth, almost died, and was turned into a vampire. Jacob still wanted to fuck their daughter, but he didn't until she was grown up.

The End

**I might do some alternate endings or stuff.**


	2. Chapter 2

Alternate ending

Jacob friendly version

Jacob bit off the tip of his tail. It hurt like a bitch, but he would heal. Although he wasn't sure if his tail would grow back. The giant frowned. It decided it had enough for today. It turned around and walked out the cafeteria.

The next day, everyone decided to ask Bella to prom. Edward had asked her first. He made a very compelling argument by saying he'd turn her into a vampire. She turned it down though. Jacob got on his motorcycle and tried to do a hockey stop in front of her, but he wiped out. The motorcycle bumped Bella and she fell down. They were taken to the hospital.

Greg visited Bella in her hospital room. Greg had to wear a hazmat suit because he was a swamp monster. He asked her out and she said yes. Then they talked about Moneyball.

Also in the same hospital, Jacob was getting his road rash treated. There was a tapping at his window. He looked out. The deer giant was outside. He opened it and the giant climbed in.

"Ja-cob." It said.

"What are you doing here?" He asked.

It gave him a small bunch of flowers. "Prom?"

"Uh, sure." He took them.

At prom, Greg took Bella to the snack table while Jacob and the giant danced. Edward was off in the corner, watching Greg and Bella.

Post credit scene

30 years later

The deer giant broke up with Jacob. He was ok with it. They had a fun time together.

Greg got married to his successful architect husband and they lived in San Francisco.

Bella married to Edward and got pregnant. She gave birth, almost dying, and was turned into a vampire. Jacob imprinted on their daughter and wanted to fuck her, but not until she was grown up.


End file.
